


Not Okay

by HanginWithLilJ (FlyDizzeeD)



Series: Learning to Cope [5]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kinda?, Non-Sexual Age Play, Panic Attacks, Ryan is over-worked and shuts down, Touch-Starved, the guys help, they also feel bad about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 19:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17028780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyDizzeeD/pseuds/HanginWithLilJ
Summary: When most of AH is busy for an entire month, it's up to Ryan to pick up the slack. But that's a lot to ask of one man. When he finally cracks under the pressure, though, he's got people there to catch him, and that's all that matters.





	Not Okay

It's a quiet day at the end of a rough week.

Not that Ryan would know, of course.

Most of AH has been out and about throughout the month. They've been stretching their “special guest” resources in videos thin to make up for those who are travelling from place to place, film and go, film and go.

All except Ryan, who hasn't left Austin at all, busy with their usual content. There's hardly been a day this month where he hasn't worked. He's falling behind on sleep and has admittedly skipped a few meals. A few years ago, having to carry the weight for a while wouldn't have been so bad. But the company is bigger than ever and daily content is the minimum. He's taken the place of others in meetings, as well, so when he's not recording or editing a video, he's usually in an office somewhere talking about numbers that stress him the fuck out.

God, is he stressed out.

But he's sort of holding it together. He doesn't have much of a choice. When life gets tough in this business, you can't slow down. You power through, even if it hurts. He's forced himself through two migraines so far, each a few days long, with little sleep and plenty of dry heaving into a trash can when the pain is too much. The pressure just continues to mount as he approaches the end of the month. Two days. Just two more days and everyone will start coming back. Until then, it's just him and whoever has the spare time to stop by and play something. Gavin and Jeremy one day, Geoff the next, Michael whenever he can, but he only sees Jack twice the entire month. The man is the busiest of all of them, save Ryan. Trevor is in LA for almost the entire month, Alfredo with him, and Matt is busy editing videos and meeting with a game company that wants to strike a deal with them for a test run on their newest title. Lindsay is around the most, but even she is swept up in other things, which she apologizes for, hugging Ryan before she rushes off.

So when he stares at the whiteboard, barely able to make sense of the marker scribbled all over with deadlines and ideas, he feels a bit numb.

It's a quiet day for a lot of people, but Ryan wouldn't know it.

\---

“We're home!” Jack yells, followed by cheering from Geoff and Jeremy, who walk in behind him. Jeremy flops on the white sofa, groaning at the feeling of being back and not having to leave again for a long while.

“This couch sucks.” Jeremy says, rolling over and press his face into the cushion. “I've missed it so much.”

Geoff rolls his eyes before scanning the room. Ryan's stuff is here, but he's nowhere to be found. Jack looks around, too, and comments on the absence.

“Weird. Larry said he just saw him come in here.”

“Well he better hurry his ass up so we can get out of here.” Geoff says, heading towards his own desk. “I'm starving, and we're going to dinner ASAP.”

There's a cheer from the couch. Jack laughs. Jeremy has been complaining about being hungry since they boarded their plane that morning and even the complimentary snacks didn't serve to curb his whining. They're just here to pick up Ryan for a surprise reunion meal before heading right back to the airport to pick up Michael and Gavin, who are on a later flight. Unfortunately, Ryan seems to have wandered off.

Yawning, Geoff looks his desk over. Mostly the same, except it's a bit cleaner from the lack of things being thrown at it over the past few weeks. The whole office is actually cleaner. Damn. 

He spots movement out of the corner of his eye and groans. Please not rats. His noise catches Jack's attention, but he's too busy investigating to answer the man's confused look. He pulls Ryan's chair away from his desk, ready to see a rodent dart out.

What he sees is not a rodent.

“Ryan?”

The younger man is under the desk, curled up in a ball, covering his head with his arms. He's as far under as he can go, and Geoff can see the tremor in his body. He hears footsteps and a gasp, doesn't have to turn around to know Jack was joined him. More important things. Cautiously, he squats in front of the desk.

“Hey buddy. Can you come out, or are you hurt?” He questions, voice soft.

Ryan shakes his head just barely. It's not an exact answer, but it's good enough for Geoff to know he's probably not dying.

“Mind if I join you?”

The lights in the room flick off. Jack must have told Jeremy to turn them off. They all know how bad Ryan's migraines can be and they also know the bright lights bouncing off the neon green walls don't help. Ryan peeks out slightly, just enough to look at Geoff. He stares at the man for a while before giving a short nod.

Smiling in thanks, Geoff carefully slides under the desk and settles next to him. They don't really fit, half of Geoff sticking out, but it doesn't matter. He's a bit surprised when Ryan's head flops over onto his shoulder. Usually he doesn't care for physical comfort when he's having a migraine. He rolls with it though, turning to kiss the top of his head.

“We came here to pick you up and go out to dinner before getting Michael and Gavvers from the airport, but we can go straight home instead.”

“Don’t wanna move.” Ryan's voice is barely a whisper.

“I know. I'm not comfortable here, though, so I know you can't be either. Plus it smells like Matt Bragg under here.”

The joke scores a slight chuckle, and a mumbled “Okay.”

“There's the spirit. Let's get you home, pal.”

He's more than eager to get out of the office. It's way easier to handle a migraine in the comfort of your own home, but at the same time… it doesn't quite seem like Ryan's typical migraine. He's speaking, albeit barely, and not actively shielding his eyes and ears from any and all input. That's not important right now, though. What's important is that they get him home and get him comfortable. Seeing Ryan so obviously upset is making him feel awful and guilty as hell.

Getting out from under the table is a gentle reminder of his age, but plenty of things are at this point. He manages, then turns back to help Ryan up as well. The lights are off, but he can still see the other man's tear-stained cheeks, eyes half shut from tiredness that tells him Ryan hasn't been sleeping nearly enough. Jack and Jeremy are waiting by the door, both with apologetic looks, Jeremy's having an edge of franticness. He figures it must upset Jeremy more than the rest of them, seeing Ryan like this, with how close they've become. 

He says nothing about the way Ryan clings to him, both hands hold one of his and pressing into his side as they leave the building. Jack notices. They lock eyes for a moment. There's gonna be a talk later.

A sense of relief washes over him when they make it back to the car. Jeremy opens the back door for him to slide Ryan in. The man whines a bit at the loss of contact. Geoff's heart is breaking. Thankfully, Jeremy is already getting in the back on the other side. He slides over to the middle and grabs Ryan's hand, distracting him as Geoff buckles him in, closes the door, and sits in the passenger seat. He relaxes when Jack starts the car. Can't help how he glances at the two in the back over and over the whole ride home. They're leaning on one another back there, Ryan apparently desperate for as much contact as possible and Jeremy more than willing to provide it.

Nobody speaks on the ride home. Nobody speaks when they get out of the car and head inside. A word isn't spoken until Ryan is settled on the couch with Jeremy, the two wrapped around one another and covered in a blanket.

“Is he…” Jack trails off, tone questioning. He and Geoff are in the kitchen, the latter leaned against the counter while the former sits at the island.

“I don't think so? He's never regressed before, to my knowledge. What do we do?”

“We figure it out as we go, I guess.” He says, shrugging. “There's not really a guide for this sort of thing.”

“I just feel… bad. Like shit. We were gone too long, we shouldn't have put so much stress on him. We--”

“It's not about us right now, Geoffrey, but yeah, we fucked up. Not much to do about it besides help him out in whatever way we can.”

Geoff sighs. “I feel weird about interacting with a headspace he's never talked to us about. Like, an invasion of privacy, I guess?”

“It's not ideal, but it's happening. I think we just need to roll with it and talk to him when he's not ready to cry the second someone isn't touching him.”

“You’re smart, Pattillo.”

“Thanks, Ramsey.”

The two smile at one another comfortably for a moment before Geoff claps his hands together and gets out of his chair. He's got some boys to take care of.

When they join the other two back in the living room, Geoff has to physically force himself to not pull out his phone for a picture. Ryan and Jeremy are cuddled up together, which is far from a surprise, but now Ryan is the little spoon. It looks like a somewhat awkward position, but neither seem too bothered by it. Jeremy's chin is hooked over the taller man's shoulder, and he smiles when he sees Jack and Geoff.

“Hey guys.”

The words make Ryan's previously closed eyes open a bit. Once he sees who else is with them in the room, he perks up slightly. There's rustling under the blanket and suddenly one of his arms is freed from the cocoon and reaching for them. Geoff steps closer. The hand grabs hold of his shirt, making him smile.

“Hey buddy. You tired?”

A nod.

“Wanna go to bed?”

A shake of the head.

“Why not?”

“Waiting.”

Geoff's face scrunches up in confusion. “For what?”

“Michael and Gavin.”

Ah. Jack speaks before he can. “Michael actually just texted. The plane was a bit early for once and they're just gonna Uber home. They should be here in half an hour.”

Ryan smiles for the first time since they've seen him. It's barely there, fighting through exhaustion, but it makes Geoff giddy.

“We can watch Star Trek if you want.” Jeremy offers.

“Okay.”

Jack have the show on in minutes, playing whatever episode Ryan nods yes to. There's shuffling around on the couch, the four of them arranging themselves so they can all sit together, grateful for the large furniture and comfortable with the closeness. Ryan and Jeremy end up sandwiched between Geoff and Jack, Ryan insisting on holding both Jeremy and Geoff's hands. He's leaning more into Geoff, whines whenever the man tries to move in any manner, worried he's going to leave.

They're near the end of the episode when the front door opens and they all turn to look at the arrivals.

Closing the door gently behind them, Michael grins at the others. Gavin, for his part, looks dead.

“I see the party started without us.” Michael jokes. His voice isn't nearly as brash as usual. He and Jack have been texting about the Ryan situation.

“Hi Michael.” Says Jeremy, with that sweet little to his voice he gets when he's showing someone something he's excited about. Or when he's feeling small. Nobody is surprised, given the situation.

“Hey lil Lil J. Hey Ryan.”

The latter is watching them with curious eyes, but it seems he has no intention to actually speak to them. He blinks owlishly at Michael as a sign of acknowledgement.

“Don't know about you blokes, but I'm going to bed. I've had enough plane travel for the year.”

Gavin is admittedly smitten with the small smile that earns him from the quiet Haywood.

“Ryan wanted to wait for you guys before going to bed.” Jeremy yawns at the end of his sentence.

“That's fucking adorable.” Michael sounds almost pained. “Holy shit.”

The TV is turned off as they make small talk. Ryan's eyes keep drifting shut and Geoff is having to fight himself to not chuckle when the man's head starts to fall forward. Jeremy isn't much better off, and Gavin is essentially a zombie at this point. When the conversation finally ends, Geoff gives Ryan's shoulder a little shake. “Come on, bud. Bed time.”

He whines and shoves himself closer to Geoff, letting go of Jeremy so he can cling completely. Geoff's heart melts.

“Sorry, pal, but you gotta get up so we can go to bed. Then we can cuddle as much as you want.”

The idea of letting go does not seem to sit well with Ryan. He's suddenly shaking, violent tremors running through his body as his grip tightens on the older man. It's too much. He burrows his face in Geoff's shoulder as his heart pounds faster and faster in his chest. He's too terrified to let go. He doesn't want to be alone again. He doesn't want to be in charge again. He just wants his family.

“Hey, hey. It's okay, Rye, c'mon. I'm right here. Jeremy's here, and Jack's here, and Michael's here, and Gavin's here, too.” He tries his best to reassure his panicked friend, looking to the others for help.

He's thankful for Jack, who steps in and kneels in front of Ryan.

“Ryan, honey, can you look at me?”

It takes a bit before Ryan turns his head just enough to look at him with one teary eye.

Jack smiles. “There's my Rye guy. Do you just wanna hug Geoff, or would it be okay if you hugged me? Geoff can't carry you, but I can for a bit. Just until we get to the room, then you can hug whoever you want.”

Ryan seems to be considering it, if the way he's still watching Jack is anything to go by. He pulls away a little so he can look between the two. He bites his lip, obviously having a hard time deciding, but eventually he gives them a hesitant nod. Geoff kisses his cheek, which brings back that little, nervous smile.

“Brave boy.” The compliment makes him blush. He reaches for Jack, who scoops him up and holds him tight. It's a bit awkward, both being tall, but it works, and it lets Ryan suction himself to Jack like a koala.

They slowly but surely make their way upstairs and to the room. Ryan's weight isn't a big deal to Jack, but he's very careful to keep him balanced because he would feel like the worst person on Earth if he dropped him.

Once they're in the room (Geoff's, the master bedroom), Jack sets Ryan on the bed. The clingy man doesn't let go until Geoff is sitting next to him so he can immediately switch grips. They don't bother to try and get him changed before bed, worried the process might make him shutdown again. Geoff just lays down, pulling Ryan with him, and assumes big spoon position. He looks to Jack and pointedly nods to the free pillow on the other side. Understanding easily, Jack settles down with the other two after turning off the lights. Secure in Geoff's arms, Ryan relaxes. He still makes sure he has an arm draped over Jack, but he's the most peaceful he's been since they found him. It makes the other men breathe easier.

Sleep comes easy to the three exhausted gents.


End file.
